Day 6: Growth

This post is a part of The 15-Day Relationship Challenge. If you’re just now tuning in, click here for the whole series.

Growth. Who am I becoming?

Good morning. Welcome to Day 6. How is the challenge going so far for you? 

Growth happens in all kinds of ways. We grow physically, vertically and horizontally (unfortunately!). We grow mentally in our knowledge and wisdom. We also grow spiritually, emotionally, and relationally.

Not all growth is wanted. Sometimes, we grow in directions that we don’t like. This most often shows up physically, but we also grow in unwanted ways emotionally as well. This can include things like growing resentments, growing disapproval of others, or growing anger at the way life is turning out.

You may not have noticed, but if you’ve completed each day thus far, you’re already experiencing growth. Just like the season of winter, growth first takes place below the surface. It’s only in the spring when we see the fruits of what has been growing in the winter. If someone else is going through this process with you, they too are growing. 

Growing is a painful process. Do you remember the growing pains from childhood? I can remember waking up in the middle of the night with the spot behind my knees aching with pain. I wanted to grow, but I didn’t like how it was happening. And this is the dilemma for us all: We want the results without the pain of getting there. Unfortunately, pain is always a part of the growth process. 

There is a lottery for becoming a millionaire, but there is no lottery to become an emotional savant, or relational guru (or whatever the equivalent is to a millionaire). The only way to become who God has created us to be, is to do the work God has called us to do. Wendell Berry speaks beautifully about this work: “It may be when we no longer know what we have to do, we have come to our real work, and that when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey.”

In your current comings and goings in life, do you like who you are becoming? Do you like how you’re responding to stress, responsibility, and the other challenges of life as an adult? Do those closest to you like who you are, and who you are becoming? 

Unfortunately it is really easy to focus on who we don’t want to become (a parent, sibling, boss, or some other authority figure we had a poor experience with) because we’re really afraid of becoming like that person. The reality is we become like those with whom we surround ourselves with, and like those who we study.

Instead of focusing on who we don’t want to be, we need to focus on who it is that we’d like to become. This is where growth happens. When we see the work that it is going to take for us to get from who we are, to who we want to become. Do you know who you are trying to become?

Reflection Questions:

  • What did I notice about me in reading today’s material? 
  • Did I have feelings, thoughts, questions, or stories that came to mind? 

Spend some time reflecting on the questions from the 2nd to last paragraph above, and then answer these questions: 

  • Who (or what) are you afraid of becoming? 
  • Who do you aspire to be like? 
  • What are 3 areas of growth you have seen in your life over the past few years? 
  • What prompted you to make these changes?
  • What changes do you want to make in the coming year?


Hello! Welcome back. Great to see you again. How was your day? 

This morning we talked about growth and who we are becoming, and I hope you took some time to reflect on the reading and questions that were posed. 

Take 10-15 minutes tonight with your spouse to talk through your day. 

  • What were the highs and lows?
  • Where were you surprised? 
  • Was there anything different about your day because of the assignment(s)?
  • From this mornings reading, what stood out to you? 
  • If you’re willing, share your answers from the reflection questions. 

Assignment Connection
Pick a person that came up from your assignment (someone you want to be like, or not like), and share that story in as much detail as you’d like to share.