How to Fight:
Strike when the iron is COLD!
The heat of the moment is usually too hot. Wait for things to cool down.
Smile. Use hopeful, positive language
Smiling takes less facial muscles, is linked to an increased production of dopamine (the “feel good” chemical in our body), and makes it harder to stay in resentment/anger for both you and your sparring partner.
Offer a compliment
Want to disarm yourself and your partner? Tell them what you like/love about them.
Tell a story
Eugene Peterson says it well, “Stories are verbal acts of hospitality.” Welcome someone with a story.
Designate a safe room, and safe time of the day
What room in your house can you designate as the place to have adult discussions around conflict? Is there a time of day that works best for you and your partner?
Take off your shoes
This grounds you, helps you to feel and get in touch with being human. The goal is to repair the relationship, not to win the fight.
Open your body (arms, legs, clothing)
Open postures invite open dialogue. Closed postures create closed dialogue.
Admit wrong, take responsibility
“I’m sorry. I was wrong. How can I make it right?”