It’s been a couple of weeks since I last posted here, and I wanted to give a link to a new writing venture that I’ve undertaken. I’ll still be posting here, but I will be focusing my writing on relationships at Start Marriage Right. Thanks for stopping by.
Stop trying to be normal. You’re not.
There is no great genius without some touch of madness.
~ Seneca
The more normal you try to be (or the more like others you try to parrot) the less of you we will see. The move away from genius leads to people wanting to be normal, to not have to risk their necks with some dream, idea, or stroke of genius.
Normal is depressing. Normal is just plain vanilla, no toppings. Normal is the path of no resistance. Not least resistance, no resistance. Normal is normal, and more and more people are looking for the supposed feel-good nature of being normal. Let others define what normal is, then jump on the bandwagon to feel accepted, part of the team. But you’re not accepted or connected. You’re a drone that parrots what you think others want to hear, what you think others value as popular or normal.
The problem is, normal doesn’t feel good for long. It’s cheap. Like plastic forks. Good for the occasional use, but rely on it for too long and it’ll break. It’ll let you down. And then you’ll try another version of normal. Wash, rinse, and repeat. Trying to be normal is really about a misguided search for meaning. For purpose. For life.
Normal is death. It’s death to the soul. To the creative part of you that only you know, that only you see, and that only you choose to hide or show. Trying to be normal is self-rejection. It’s death.
It’s crazy to enter into and commit oneself to another person for life… It’s even crazier to become parents. Yet we put aside stats, conventional wisdom, and follow our hearts into some of the scariest, most dangerous, and land-mine-filled area called marriage. Over 50% of marriages fail today. Yet people still get married. Why? Because they’re in love. Because their heart believes that they cannot go on without the other person. That, my friends, is madness. Ignoring logic and going with you’re heart is madness.
And it’s genius. Pure creative genius. Picasso wasn’t a genius because of what he painted, he was a genius for when and how he painted.
The same is true for you. You’re not a genius for what idea you come up with, or what decision you make. You’re a genius for taking the risk to fulfill your dream. In putting your neck on the line and risk being called a fool. And trust me, those who will call you a fool are envious, because they’re normal and you’re not.
Some thoughts to end the week
Answering the why questions in life will rarely be satisfying. The awareness you’ll gain will be invaluable if you choose to use it.
We humans judge actions, not intent.
Hiding will prevent relationships from developing intimacy. You cannot have intimacy and hide at the same time.
“Don’t put your trust in walls, ‘Cause walls will only crush you when they fall.”
I can’t change the way you feel, nor can you change the way I feel. We can work together to learn where and how we feel what we do, and then learn to walk with care and love around those soft and tender spots in life. You cannot carry all of my pain, so don’t try and make life pain free for me or you. It doesn’t work.
Ending well is really difficult, takes time, and allows for new growth. Quitting is accepting the easy road that is full of regret, self-pity, and will not bring fullness. You’ve got to fight hard for the things you want, and don’t want.
Don’t wait for permission from others to be vulnerable and take a risk; it will never happen. Taking a risk is risky regardless of who approves of it or not. Think of it this way, base jumping isn’t easier because you got a high five.
Babies fall 10,000 times before they learn to walk. Falling hurts, but not being able to walk hurts worse.
The phrase “be a man” needs to be replaced with “tell the truth.” Learning to tell the truth is a process, and judging a process kills progress. Telling the truth is risky. Most of us don’t do it very well. We hint, dance, assume, manipulate, hover, and do all sorts of so many things that take incredible amounts of energy. More energy to hint and dance around a subject than just saying what’s true.
Learning how to be mature is a lifelong journey. It’s a process. It doesn’t happen when you graduate high-school. Have sex. Have a baby. Or when you get a job. Maturity happens when you admit to not knowing, and commit to the process of learning. Not knowing oneself is the deepest of sadness, but not pursuing the knowledge of oneself is the greatest crime against the self. You cannot know what you do not pursue. You cannot know what you do not care about. You cannot know what you do not love.
Conservative, safe, and highly controlled living is not the way we were created to live. This is a difficult reality in the South. It’s hard to not fake it here.
Christianity is a religion. Much like Buddhism, Mormanism, and Footballism. Being a follower of Christ is not religious. There’s a difference.
Refusing to address your dysfunctional behavior and relationships (and your family’s dysfunction) will create incredibly difficulties tomorrow. It will also have a stronger affect on others than you think it will. And on more people than you think.
Happyness (I prefer to spell it with a y) is found in being known by others, God, and ourselves. Want to be happy and fulfilled? Spend some time getting to know you. You’re smarter, brighter, wiser, and more interesting than you know. Don’t live without knowing who’s alive in there.
Autobiography in 5 Short Chapters
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
Chapter 1
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter 2
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter 4
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter 5
I walk down another street.
~ Portia Nelson ~
Portrait of a Borderline
“The false self can dominate even extremely talented people who are likely to be drawn to careers where life can be lived vicariously, where within safe, protective limits they can deal with emotions and activities that they avoid in their personal lives because of the fears such emotions and activities would evoke. Any career such as reporter, photographer, psychiatrist, or minister which requires professional detachment places one in a position to project oneself into others’ lives and identify with life dramas being played out there without full committing oneself to the same emotions and activities in one’s own life. For example, a reporter on the scene may fee as if he or she were really a participant. A minister or therapist with a deflated false self can experience in fantasy the joys and problems of a close relationship without the fear of self-activation and self-expression or of rejection that the real commitment or intimacy would necessitate. Her readiness for projective identification, poor ego boundaries, and inability to perceive reality adequately all help allow her to experience vicarious gratification by interjecting herself into the lives of others.”
Perfectionism is the enemy of success
Briefly, just read a great quote by the French author/philosopher Voltaire that rings very true for me.
“The perfect is the enemy of the good.”
If you wait for the perfect moment, waiting is all you will accomplish. Along with comfort, perfectionism is an enemy of success. Be bold and act on what you can do today, even if it’s not perfect.