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Marriage and Lent

Lent is the penitential season of the church calendar that usually involves fasting (or giving up) something that gets in the way of your relationship with God. This season prepares the way for Good Friday, and the celebration of Easter Sunday. One of my good friends is a pastor, and he wrote this as an invitation entering this Lenten season: 

“Is there an area of your life where you would like to experience more healing? Consider picking a fast or adopting a discipline that creates space for healing in that area. I’ve heard of people giving up sarcasm or cynicism as well as others who read a poem a day to increase space for God’s beauty and joy.”

– Danny Bryant

Most wouldn’t be surprised to hear of someone giving up sweets, alcohol, or junk food during Lent. It’s safe to say that these sugary and fatty substances are not good for our physical health. What many of us don’t know about are the types of relational “junk food” we consume every day. All marriages are either growing, or dying, there is no in-between.

There might be places in your marriage that are keeping growth from happening. This Lenten season might be a time to fast from those activities or actions that are negatively impacting your marriage. Things like social media, tv show binging, and other “on-screen” activities all take time away from important relationships. Then there are more relationally focused actions that hurt space for beauty and joy like criticism, shaming, and words/actions of contempt towards your spouse.

Sometimes we have to stop an action first before something better can have space to show up.

What is something you can give up that would open you to God’s beauty and joy in your marriage?

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Making Space for Relationships

Here are three reasons to make space in life for relationships (even the difficult relationships).

1. Loneliness. 

Loneliness is an epidemic, and is linked to an increase risk of cardiovascular disease. We’re more connected to information and screens than we are to people and stories. The more information we have, the more anxious and depressed we become.

2. Growth. 

We can’t grow as people unless we are in relationships with other people. Apple’s Siri and Amazon’s Alexa don’t count as other people!

Pearls grow in clams/oysters because they opened up and got a foreign object lodged in there. The Amazon get’s over half of it’s nutrients from the Bodele depression, which is in Africa.

Humans are the same. We grow because of different people getting close to us and depositing something of their difference into our lives. Yes, it’s painful sometimes, but all growth involves some degree of pain.

3. Powerlessness.

If you let them, relationships will show you the two parts of yourself that you cannot see on your own: Your face, and your butt. We are both gifted and impaired human beings. We need relationships with others to show both of those parts to us. And for us to do the same in return.