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When in Conflict: Take Your Shoes Off

The next time you find yourself in conflict with your spouse, take your shoes off. Seriously.

Conflict in your marriage is holy ground. It’s where our life story shows up at a primal, non-verbal level. Our bodies remember things our words can’t describe. We offer silence and respect when entering a place of reverence. Conflict is this place of reverence.

Taking your shoes off puts your feet in bare contact with the physical ground, and terrain. You’re more sensitive to what you’re walking on without your shoes. You will walk slower, with more caution. If you are aware of it, this practice will help you to be more sensitive to what you’re wading into emotionally with yourself, and your spouse.

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Making Peace: Drop Your Weapons

You don’t walk into a peace treaty meeting with a machine gun. And if you do, the meeting quickly changes from a peace treaty to a tense stand off. One wrong move, and there will be a mess.

We all have weapons that we have access to use when we are threatened. After all, these weapons have long served us as faithful tools to bring about feelings of safety, control, and power.

What are the weapons you use in marriage?

  • Contempt?
  • Stonewalling?
  • Name calling?
  • “Calling it like you see it”?
  • Avoidance?
  • Manipulation?
  • Withholding?
  • Rage?
  • Silence?

Regardless of the weapon you can easily brandish, leave it at the door. It has no use in your marriage. None of these will get you what you’re looking for.

What weapon do you need to leave at the door?

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