Last week I wrote about the allure of Porn. As a therapist, I’ve interacted with hundreds of men, women, and teenagers about their sexuality and porn usage. They all desire sexual wellness but struggle to know how to find it. In working with them, there are three things that always show up when someone is wanting health and healing from pornography. Those that engage with these three categories always discover something greater for their lives. They find what they have been searching for.
The Three P’s of Porn Recovery:
People
Shame tells us that we need to have life figured on own. This is a flat out lie. We have to have people involved in our recovery story. We need others to support, encourage, hold accountable, challenge, and believe in us (especially when we don’t believe in ourselves). This needs to include (with limitations) someone’s spouse, but not only their spouse.
Process
We need a process to follow that is beyond our ability to set rules and limitations on life. Helpful processes include therapy, 12-step meetings (AA, SA, Al-Anon, ACA), Celebrate Recovery, or a sexual integrity group at a local Church. This process needs to be facilitated by someone who has been down the road for a while. Someone who has already followed and is now leading. A doctor can’t perform surgery on themselves, they need another professional to care for them.
Protagonist
We need a hero to discover. Someone to believe in when we lose our way. A hero that can push through the cold of night, withstand the lonely of day, and resist the enemies who thwart the journey. A hero that has character, value, morals, and integrity. Recovery forces us to face the hero within and the ultimate Hero who can save us from ourselves. There’s a reason that the first three steps in the 12-steps is about admitting powerless and entrusting our lives to God for healing.
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The Gospel of Porn
The allure and promise of porn is simple. It’s about acceptance. It tugs at our need to be saved. Rescued. Our need for salvation.
Porn says, “You can come as you are. You are welcome here. Alone. Tired. Afraid. Ashamed. No problem, You’re ok here.”
Usually not really knowing what you are looking for, it promises to take care of you.
It welcomes you. There is no judgement from anyone on the screen. No forgiveness needed because you are good and there is nothing wrong with your desires. Just keep searching, clicking, and watching.
Porn holds you and tells you that whatever you are searching for, you can find it here. It whispers, “you’re not lost anymore.” This is the mastery of porn. It hits on a desire that we all have: To be found. Not lost anymore. Accepted. Welcomed with excitement and anticipation, without judgement, with open arms.
Porn offers no rejection. It always says: “Yes!” Accepting whatever you ask, faster than you can ask.
But in the end, you will leave. You’ll walk away alone. Tired. Afraid. Ashamed. Lost. Cold. And not ok.
Do you know what or who you’re searching for?
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