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Fixing or Healing

When we talk about ourselves or others as being “broken,” we begin to treat them like an object to be fixed, not a Subject to be known.

We are people with stories and souls, not an object to be used. 

Objects are made to do things. A vase holds flowers. A dishwasher cleans dishes. Scissors are made to cut. Chairs don’t care how you use them. When an object breaks, we attempt to fix and get it back into the original working order. If we can’t fix it, we get rid of it.

When we apply this principle of “fixing” onto people’s lives (others or ourselves), we treat them like an object. Like there is something wrong with them until they are fixed and put back together. And if we can’t fix them? Discard.

You can’t fix a broken heart.

You can’t go back in time and undo what’s been done. 

You can’t discard the agony of death without severing part of yourself. 

These wounds we experience are often the birthplace of passion and purpose for our lives. Objects can’t heal, because they are not alive.

When wounds heal, the story is a beacon of hope for others. Just visit any cancer floor at a hospital or a 12-step support group, you’ll see this in living color. That which is painful is most universal. 

The great philosopher Tow Mater from the movie Cars said his dents were too valuable to get rid of because he got them from spending time with his best friend Lightning McQueen. “I don’t fix these. I wanna remember these dents forever.”

What dents in your life need healing?

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Confidence

When we talk about having confidence we’re usually referring to the feeling of being steadfast, solid, or steady in our decision/statement. We also use the word to describe telling someone something private or secret that we ask them to keep “in confidence.” 

Confidence comes from the Latin word which means to act “with fidelity.” When we are confident, we act out of faithfulness to what we know or believe to be true. 

In an act of confidence (or lack thereof), a really important question to ask ourselves is this: “To whom or what am I being faithful?” Is the action faithful to a value or morality that is internally held? Perhaps it is faithfulness a boss, parent, spouse, God, friend, or other authority figure? 

Often our lack of confidence is because we are acting with too much faith in what another person says, instead of finding out what it is that we believe needs to be said or done. The risky work for this person is discovering and acting upon what unique interests, beliefs, and needs they have.

When we are too confident in ourselves, it’s because we have lost faith and trust in others. We can’t rely on them, so we act and live in isolation so as to not be hurt or let down again. The maturing work for this person is to risk asking for help from others. 

Too much confidence in others will keep us from making our own decisions and discoveries.
Too much confidence in ourselves will keep us from making wise decisions and finding our need of others.