The Problem Is Not The Problem

The problem of our life is almost never the real problem. 

The real problem is what we are doing in response to our problems. 

We blame. Point fingers. Yell. Throw things at others, words mostly. 

We cheat, and steal, and lie. We manipulate. Shade the truth. We get hyper vigilant and vow to never let “it” happen again. 

Demands replace invitations. We set insidious traps for others with leading questions, outright killing any humble curiosity. 

We run away (Ignorance is bliss, right?). We deny reality, and fashion a better fantasy. 

These are the real problems. We don’t respond appropriately to being disappointed or hurt. And this compounds the issue. Now instead of having one problem to deal with, we add our inappropriate response into the mix, and it becomes one giant mess. 

What problem are you avoiding?


Erosion Control

Every day on the way to my office, I drive past a massive mound of dirt that has been excavated from a nearby building site. This pile is enormous and for several weeks it kept growing in size. At some point the mound stopped growing and the makers planted grass on top of it, and covered it with straw. I knew what they were doing, but it was still fascinating to watch.

They planted the grass for erosion control.

Without the grass holding the dirt together, the rains would wash the mound away, which would make a huge mess. This reminds me a lot about life.

We all need to plant practices and habits in our lives and relationships that keep erosion from happening. If measures are not taken, our character, ethics, sexuality, maturity, and responsibility will erode. And it is so much harder to rebuild an eroded character or relationship than to take the preemptive steps to protect what has been built.

I wonder what kind of erosion controls you have for your marriage. For your self.

I wonder what holds you together when the storms of life show up.

I wonder what you plant in your relationships that keeps you steady and firm.

What step do you need to take today?