The Problem Is Not The Problem

The problem of our life is almost never the real problem. 

The real problem is what we are doing in response to our problems. 

We blame. Point fingers. Yell. Throw things at others, words mostly. 

We cheat, and steal, and lie. We manipulate. Shade the truth. We get hyper vigilant and vow to never let “it” happen again. 

Demands replace invitations. We set insidious traps for others with leading questions, outright killing any humble curiosity. 

We run away (Ignorance is bliss, right?). We deny reality, and fashion a better fantasy. 

These are the real problems. We don’t respond appropriately to being disappointed or hurt. And this compounds the issue. Now instead of having one problem to deal with, we add our inappropriate response into the mix, and it becomes one giant mess. 

What problem are you avoiding?


Marriage Junk Food

It’s easy to get a Twinkie off the shelf, and eat it. Donuts are great, too. But they are not all that good for the body. 

Marriages have a lot of junk food options: Blame. Contempt. Resentment. Criticism. Name calling. Silence or Stonewalling. 

These actions, or reactions, all taste pretty good in the moment, but they don’t nourish us or our relationships. They are empty calories that make for an obese relationship. 

Getting healthy might not feel good in the moment, but it is worth it. Instead of Blame, take responsibility. Instead of contempt, celebrate. Forgive. Forgiveness chokes out resentment. A cheerleader (not necessarily the school kind) is always better to be around than a critic. 

What marriage junk food do you need to throw away?