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Gaps

The great philosopher, Rocky Balboa, is talking to his manager Paulie. They are in the meat locker, Rocky is punching some cows, and Paulie asks him about his sister:
“You really like her? I don’t get it, what’s the attraction?”
“I don’t know, fills gaps I guess.”
“What’s gap’s”
“I dunno. I’ve got gaps, she’s got gaps. Together we fill gaps.”
(this whole blog post is so much better if read in Rocky’s voice)
Gaps are why we love (and hate) relationships. We have gaps, we need others to fill our gaps, and we need to fill others gaps. How many of us are comfortable with our gaps, as much (or little) as they are filled?
So often we are begging for our gaps to be filled, instead of being the one who fills gaps.
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Healthy Cultures

We are all a part of a multiple organizational cultures in our lives. Family, work, church, school systems, volunteer organizations, and hobby clubs. No doubt all of us have experienced the problems that come from unhealthy cultures. They are marked by things such as secret keeping, refusal to set or adhere to boundaries, triangulation (gossip), and a clear hierarchy of power/control.

In working with lots of people in many different organizations (as well as starting several of my own organizations), I’ve found that there are three things that healthy cultures do really well.

1. They identify the real issues with help from someone from the outside.

2. They confront and discuss with honesty the real issues, not shying away from the difficult truths. They tell the truth, usually involving conflict.

3. They develop solutions and process that are inclusive, not exclusive. The quickest way to poison a culture is to make it exclusionary.

It’s easy for a culture to become a cult when none of the three things above take place.

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Just One Step

I often get the question, “what can I do to change my relationship with wife/friend/co-worker?” (This usually means – “how can I change the other person?”)

The answer to the first question is really simple: Just take one step.

One small act of kindness.

One gift of a compliment.

One of their favorite candy bars given with a small note of gratitude.

One sacrifice or service.

One smile.

One wink.

One blessing in spite of whatever happened.

One step of forgiveness.

One apology with follow through.

Now, this doesn’t mean that things will turn around immediately, but if you take that one small step every day (yes! every day), and do it faithfully, the relationship will change.

And so will you.