{"id":695,"date":"2015-05-06T12:05:11","date_gmt":"2015-05-06T17:05:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/?p=695"},"modified":"2016-03-23T15:22:44","modified_gmt":"2016-03-23T20:22:44","slug":"divorce-myths","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2015\/05\/divorce-myths\/","title":{"rendered":"Debunking the Myths of Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"

Several weeks ago I ran across this article<\/a> from Cherilynn Veland, a clinical social worker, giving women 15 reasons why not to be afraid of divorce. The author takes what she considers cultural myths, and debunks them to give\u00a0women support in their divorce process. In some ways, I understand where she\u2019s coming from. Historically women have not been treated as equals to men, and this has caused much pain, especially in the context of marriage.<\/p>\n

This much is true: Our culture, and we\u2019re not the first, objectifies women. Turn on the TV and within a couple of minutes the message is loud and clear: Women are sex objects. This creates an incredible tension to speak up and have a voice because boobs, legs, and vaginas don’t have voices. Seeing women as subjects, not objects, is not something we men are very good at doing. We tend to try and fix (often times fixing is relational violence), which presupposes that we have the answers, and that she, the woman, is broken and needs our fixing.<\/p>\n

The institution of marriage is a subset of the larger culture. Great harm has been done to women in the name of religion, gender norms, and cultural values. These realities are not spoken to in Ms. Veland\u2019s article, which I think is a massive oversight. Advice is often easy to give when we give little to no consideration to the cultural contexts.<\/p>\n

Advice is often easy to give when we give little to no consideration to the cultural contexts.<\/a><\/div>
Powered By the Tweet This<\/a><\/em> Plugin<\/div>
\"\"Tweet This<\/a><\/div>
<\/div><\/div><\/div>\n

As I was reading the article, I was struck by two things. First, nestled right next to the article is a visual advertisement for a TV show titled: \u201cA Girlfriends Guide to a Divorce.\u201d It pictures a woman, clearly happy and\/or excited, holding up her left hand ring finger (clearly a middle-finger to marriage) with the caption, \u201cgo find yourself.\u201d The message is clear: Marriage is holding you back from being who you\u2019re supposed to be, so “screw” (PG version) marriage.<\/p>\n

The second thing I noticed was how shallow the advice was from the author. I began working on counterpoints to her 15 reasons of why divorce doesn\u2019t have to be scary. I work with a lot of people struggling to make a decision on their marriage. I am unabashedly pro-marriage (which will clearly come through over the forthcoming dozen-plus posts), but of equal importance\u00a0I am am pro-growth.<\/p>\n

Ultimately I believe the the greatest opportunity for growth in our lives comes through the conflicts we share with our spouse. Most marriages work really hard to avoid conflicts, which inevitably leads to failure because couples\u00a0develop no strength to handle difficulties together. I see so many men and women doubling down on follow-up relationships after a divorce only to find out that their problems have followed them.<\/p>\n

My hope in writing these rebuttals to the above\u00a0article is to promote opportunities for\u00a0growth in the context of marriage, especially if there are children involved. Even with an in\u00a0depth understanding of the effects\u00a0from divorce on children and society, people will still choose to divorce. Perhaps something written over the next several weeks might provide a glimmer of hope<\/a> to a marriage in crisis. These are my opinions largely formed and influenced over the past 10+ years in my work with individuals and couples surrounding issues like marriage, sexuality, addictions, and divorce.<\/p>\n

Myth #1 –\u00a0Divorce pain is temporary.
\n<\/a>Myth #2 –\u00a0<\/strong>Society says divorce is bad, that may not be true.
\n<\/a>Myth #3 –\u00a0<\/strong>Miserable and Married
\n<\/a>Myth #4\u00a0–<\/strong> Forever is a Long Freaking Time<\/a><\/p>\n

Note: This series will be published regularly over the next several months, so if you want to follow, make sure you subscribe (top right side of page) to receive notification when the next\u00a0article\u00a0is posted.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Several weeks ago I ran across this article from Cherilynn Veland, a clinical social worker, giving women 15 reasons why not to be afraid of divorce. The author takes what she considers cultural myths, and debunks them to give\u00a0women support in their divorce process. In some ways, I understand where she\u2019s coming from. Historically women […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":[],"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[12],"tags":[78,79,53,61,29,27,51,40,31,50],"class_list":["post-695","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-couples","tag-divorce","tag-divorce-myths","tag-fear","tag-grief","tag-intimacy","tag-marriage","tag-pain","tag-risk","tag-sex","tag-suffering"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\nDebunking the Myths of Divorce — Five Minute Sherpa<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2015\/05\/divorce-myths\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Debunking the Myths of Divorce — Five Minute Sherpa\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Several weeks ago I ran across this article from Cherilynn Veland, a clinical social worker, giving women 15 reasons why not to be afraid of divorce. The author takes what she considers cultural myths, and debunks them to give\u00a0women support in their divorce process. In some ways, I understand where she\u2019s coming from. Historically women […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2015\/05\/divorce-myths\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Five Minute Sherpa\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"http:\/\/facebook.com\/SamuelRaineyCounseling\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2015-05-06T17:05:11+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2016-03-23T20:22:44+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@samuelrainey\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@samuelrainey\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2015\/05\/divorce-myths\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2015\/05\/divorce-myths\/\",\"name\":\"Debunking the Myths of Divorce — Five Minute Sherpa\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2015-05-06T17:05:11+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2016-03-23T20:22:44+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/ead8e9e6e7560f7d091a740226792870\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2015\/05\/divorce-myths\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2015\/05\/divorce-myths\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2015\/05\/divorce-myths\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Debunking the Myths of Divorce\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"Five Minute Sherpa\",\"description\":\"an espresso shot of thoughtful guidance\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/ead8e9e6e7560f7d091a740226792870\",\"name\":\"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/81690686ecf4b830ec19aebb73205a49ac12c0dd3a27d0676af481474d8036b1?s=96&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/81690686ecf4b830ec19aebb73205a49ac12c0dd3a27d0676af481474d8036b1?s=96&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC\"}}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Debunking the Myths of Divorce — Five Minute Sherpa","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2015\/05\/divorce-myths\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Debunking the Myths of Divorce — Five Minute Sherpa","og_description":"Several weeks ago I ran across this article from Cherilynn Veland, a clinical social worker, giving women 15 reasons why not to be afraid of divorce. The author takes what she considers cultural myths, and debunks them to give\u00a0women support in their divorce process. In some ways, I understand where she\u2019s coming from. Historically women […]","og_url":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2015\/05\/divorce-myths\/","og_site_name":"Five Minute Sherpa","article_publisher":"http:\/\/facebook.com\/SamuelRaineyCounseling\/","article_published_time":"2015-05-06T17:05:11+00:00","article_modified_time":"2016-03-23T20:22:44+00:00","author":"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@samuelrainey","twitter_site":"@samuelrainey","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2015\/05\/divorce-myths\/","url":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2015\/05\/divorce-myths\/","name":"Debunking the Myths of Divorce — Five Minute Sherpa","isPartOf":{"@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#website"},"datePublished":"2015-05-06T17:05:11+00:00","dateModified":"2016-03-23T20:22:44+00:00","author":{"@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/ead8e9e6e7560f7d091a740226792870"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2015\/05\/divorce-myths\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2015\/05\/divorce-myths\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2015\/05\/divorce-myths\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Debunking the Myths of Divorce"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#website","url":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/","name":"Five Minute Sherpa","description":"an espresso shot of thoughtful guidance","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/ead8e9e6e7560f7d091a740226792870","name":"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/81690686ecf4b830ec19aebb73205a49ac12c0dd3a27d0676af481474d8036b1?s=96&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/81690686ecf4b830ec19aebb73205a49ac12c0dd3a27d0676af481474d8036b1?s=96&r=g","caption":"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC"}}]}},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2SBo8-bd","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/695","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=695"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/695\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":733,"href":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/695\/revisions\/733"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=695"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=695"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=695"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}