{"id":624,"date":"2014-01-17T13:02:26","date_gmt":"2014-01-17T18:02:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/?p=624"},"modified":"2014-01-17T13:02:26","modified_gmt":"2014-01-17T18:02:26","slug":"project-parenting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2014\/01\/project-parenting\/","title":{"rendered":"Project Parenting"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

What is your goal for parenting? Is it to just\u00a0\u201csurvive\u201d the process? Or perhaps might it be to\u00a0\u201cmake sure I don\u2019t screw them up too bad?\u201d I often joke with friends that I don\u2019t have a college savings fund for my kids, I have a therapy savings fund. My kids will probably need twice the therapy to work through their dad being a therapist. Bless them.<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
\u201cWhat is your goal?\u201d is an important question that I don\u2019t think about a lot, but whatever my stated or unstated goal is, it drives my attitude and actions towards my kids. There are many days that I get home from work and don\u2019t want my kids to be kids. I love them dearly, but goodness they can make a mess of things. Kids force me to\u00a0see that life doesn\u2019t work by my rules, nor does the world revolve around me (despite my best efforts to make it so). This is a big reason why I (and you, if you\u2019re honest) both love and dislike my kids: They alert me to my self-centeredness.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
Poor parenting happens when my goal for life as an individual, a selfish person, is different than my stated goals for my kids. When I don\u2019t pick up my shoes and socks on the living room floor, but get onto my kids for not picking theirs up, I\u2019m not being a good parent. Living life with different standards will teach kids that duplicity is an acceptable way of living.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
Becoming a parent is a two-fold challenge (and there\u2019s probably more folds than this). First and foremost, we have to learn how to raise the kid inside all of us. We have to be kind, respectful, loving\u00a0and<\/i>\u00a0at the same time tough, hold boundaries, and be willing to say no to that part of us that wants instant gratification. We cannot be helpful parents until we have first learned to parent ourselves.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
The second challenge is to raise our kids as unique individuals with similar and different challenges in life than what we ourselves face. Parenting our kids as though they wrestle with the exact struggles as we do is myopic and not helpful guardianship.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
My goal as a parent is to be a guardian of my kids’ true selves. Said more simply: I want to help my kids find out who they really are\u00a0\u2026 not just what they love to do, but to believe in and be able to express the uniqueness of their own voice.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
Most days, I get caught up in training my kids to be good\u00a0performers. Showing them what is good and bad from a perspective of human doing. The days when am content with them are when I\u2019ve not tried to control or train them like I would an animal, rather that I’ve allowed them to speak their own creative ways.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
One final thought. Err on the side of being in relationship (not a friendship) with your kids, that\u2019s the only way you’ll thrive together once they are no longer under your care and\u00a0protection.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What is your goal for parenting? Is it to just\u00a0\u201csurvive\u201d the process? Or perhaps might it be to\u00a0\u201cmake sure I don\u2019t screw them up too bad?\u201d I often joke with friends that I don\u2019t have a college savings fund for my kids, I have a therapy savings fund. My kids will probably need twice the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":[],"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[11],"tags":[36,17,29,22,64,56,8,41],"class_list":["post-624","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting","tag-authenticity","tag-engage","tag-intimacy","tag-kids","tag-leadership","tag-maturity","tag-relationships","tag-the-self"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\nProject Parenting — Five Minute Sherpa<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2014\/01\/project-parenting\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Project Parenting — Five Minute Sherpa\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"What is your goal for parenting? Is it to just\u00a0\u201csurvive\u201d the process? Or perhaps might it be to\u00a0\u201cmake sure I don\u2019t screw them up too bad?\u201d I often joke with friends that I don\u2019t have a college savings fund for my kids, I have a therapy savings fund. My kids will probably need twice the […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2014\/01\/project-parenting\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Five Minute Sherpa\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"http:\/\/facebook.com\/SamuelRaineyCounseling\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2014-01-17T18:02:26+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@samuelrainey\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@samuelrainey\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2014\/01\/project-parenting\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2014\/01\/project-parenting\/\",\"name\":\"Project Parenting — Five Minute Sherpa\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2014-01-17T18:02:26+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2014-01-17T18:02:26+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/ead8e9e6e7560f7d091a740226792870\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2014\/01\/project-parenting\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2014\/01\/project-parenting\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2014\/01\/project-parenting\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Project Parenting\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"Five Minute Sherpa\",\"description\":\"an espresso shot of thoughtful guidance\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/ead8e9e6e7560f7d091a740226792870\",\"name\":\"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/81690686ecf4b830ec19aebb73205a49ac12c0dd3a27d0676af481474d8036b1?s=96&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/81690686ecf4b830ec19aebb73205a49ac12c0dd3a27d0676af481474d8036b1?s=96&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC\"}}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Project Parenting — Five Minute Sherpa","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2014\/01\/project-parenting\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Project Parenting — Five Minute Sherpa","og_description":"What is your goal for parenting? Is it to just\u00a0\u201csurvive\u201d the process? Or perhaps might it be to\u00a0\u201cmake sure I don\u2019t screw them up too bad?\u201d I often joke with friends that I don\u2019t have a college savings fund for my kids, I have a therapy savings fund. My kids will probably need twice the […]","og_url":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2014\/01\/project-parenting\/","og_site_name":"Five Minute Sherpa","article_publisher":"http:\/\/facebook.com\/SamuelRaineyCounseling\/","article_published_time":"2014-01-17T18:02:26+00:00","author":"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@samuelrainey","twitter_site":"@samuelrainey","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2014\/01\/project-parenting\/","url":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2014\/01\/project-parenting\/","name":"Project Parenting — Five Minute Sherpa","isPartOf":{"@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#website"},"datePublished":"2014-01-17T18:02:26+00:00","dateModified":"2014-01-17T18:02:26+00:00","author":{"@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/ead8e9e6e7560f7d091a740226792870"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2014\/01\/project-parenting\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2014\/01\/project-parenting\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2014\/01\/project-parenting\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Project Parenting"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#website","url":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/","name":"Five Minute Sherpa","description":"an espresso shot of thoughtful guidance","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/ead8e9e6e7560f7d091a740226792870","name":"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/81690686ecf4b830ec19aebb73205a49ac12c0dd3a27d0676af481474d8036b1?s=96&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/81690686ecf4b830ec19aebb73205a49ac12c0dd3a27d0676af481474d8036b1?s=96&r=g","caption":"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC"}}]}},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2SBo8-a4","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/624","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=624"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/624\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":626,"href":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/624\/revisions\/626"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=624"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=624"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=624"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}