A few months ago I was with my family eating at Chick-Fil-A and I noticed an advertisement next to the counter. It said, \u201cMake your reservations today to spend Valentines with your Love here at Chick-Fil-A. We will be serving a candlelit dinner for 2 from 5:00-9:00pm.\u201d<\/p>\n
As we were leaving, I showed Stephanie, my wife, the ad, and half-jokingly told her that I\u2019d made reservations for the two of us. She shot me a look that very clearly said: \u201cDon\u2019t bring me here for Valentine\u2019s Day.\u201d Yes, I was half-kidding, but I was also half-serious. Thankfully, I listened and we celebrated elsewhere.<\/p>\n
Birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentine\u2019s Day are all jam packed with hopes and expectations. It\u2019s really no surprise that Stephanie and I have had our most difficult fights surrounding these big days.<\/p>\n
The distance between expectation and reality is the feeling of disappointment, hurt, and anger (unless, of course, the expectations are exceeded). As one who has failed mightily, the overarching advice for these days: Do not just go through the motions. These special days are far too valuable to be wasted by a half-hearted approach at celebration.<\/p>\n
Birthdays<\/strong> A friend of mine was thrown a surprise birthday by his wife over 15 years ago. He does not (and did not) like surprises. Today, they both still talk about this birthday as one of the low points in their relationship. Unfortunately as is the case with most of life, you will learn about how to celebrate your spouse by failing more so than you will by doing it right.<\/p>\n Valentine\u2019s Day<\/strong> I have often heard from men that they don\u2019t want a holiday to be what defines their love for their spouse. Some of this is because we men are arrogant and selfish. My advice to men is to think outside of the box on Valentine\u2019s Day. Don\u2019t just get her chocolates, cut flowers, or a balloon. Find a way to make this day special and uniquely centered around the love in your relationship. One of our favorite Valentine\u2019s Days was when we went to a park, cooked our dinner together, and then had a \u201cdrive-in\u201d movie in the back of our SUV (we watched a movie on a laptop).<\/p>\n Neither one of us remember the Valentine\u2019s Dates when it was just about a gift, dinner, or just going through the motions.<\/p>\n
\nThis day might be complicated for you or your spouse. Because birthdays are celebrated, or not, uniquely in different cultures, you or your spouse might have to have some big changes to the way you celebrate each other. In advance of a birthday, spend some time together talking about past birthdays. Ask questions like:<\/p>\n\n
\nLet me speak from a males perspective for a moment. Most men that I know do not particularly care for this day. This isn\u2019t to say that all men don\u2019t like it, but most do not. I think the reason is that there is a huge cultural expectation for this day to be the affirmation of a couple\u2019s love for one another. It\u2019s been marketed as a holiday that is focused on getting a gift for the woman in your life.<\/p>\n