{"id":415,"date":"2012-11-12T09:33:41","date_gmt":"2012-11-12T14:33:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/?p=415"},"modified":"2012-11-05T15:35:25","modified_gmt":"2012-11-05T20:35:25","slug":"adversity-matters","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2012\/11\/adversity-matters\/","title":{"rendered":"Adversity Matters"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Authors note: This article was originally published in September 2012 at StartMarriageRight.com)<\/span><\/p>\n

I had someone tell me the other day, \u201cSamuel, I\u2019ve dealt with it. I\u2019m done and have moved on. There\u2019s no changing the fact that my husband just won\u2019t love and care for me the way I need him to. I don\u2019t feel anything about it anymore, I\u2019m apathetic. Numb.\u201d<\/p>\n

I engaged with some questions to hear more about her apathy, and found the opposite to be true. She was locked in the battle of such intense conflict, she was doing everything in her power to shut down and numb her life.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure about you, but when I\u2019m truly apathetic about something, I don\u2019t talk or think about it anymore. Not caring about something creates silence, or a lack of attention. Silence is the only true evidence of an apathetic spirit. The problem with apathy is that until we\u2019re six-feet under, it\u2019s impossible to be completely apathetic. We humans have too much hope, passion, and desire to be alive and fully numb at the same time. It\u2019s just not possible.<\/p>\n

Just last week I ran across\u00a0this website<\/a>,\u00a0which highlights 20 or so young women who have taken some sort of movement towards addressing an issue in the world. They have all started with an idea and have built it up to become, in some instances, a thriving social justice platform. Each of these women have embodied the spirit of hope that resides within all of us. I don\u2019t personally know any of these women, but I\u2019ve met many like them and I can promise you they have suffered greatly for their passion.<\/p>\n

They have chosen to bleed, sweat, and cry instead of giving in to the ease of anesthesia by way of food, sex, tv, or isolation.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The woman above who claimed to be apathetic is actually caught in a struggle very familiar to all of us. It\u2019s the struggle of choosing to face or dim the pain. Seneca, a Roman philosopher, exclaimed that the bravest sight known to man is to see someone struggling with adversity. Bravery isn\u2019t contingent upon victory, it\u2019s about showing up and facing the difficulties of life. Just as hope is the enemy of apathy, so bravery is to failure.<\/p>\n

Whether you want to face it or not, there is adversity in your life. It might feel as distant as your divorced parents, or as numb as your sexuality because of the abuse. The truth is, adversity has often been seen as your unwanted companion in life. This adversity might not show it\u2019s true challenge until later in life, when some trigger summons it\u2019s memory. In choosing marriage, one is inviting these distant adversaries to take residence in your home.<\/p>\n

Some of the adversaries are specific stories, such as the time when your cousin inappropriately touched you, the times your father was violent, or when your best friend committed suicide. Each of these deserve your suffering and attention.<\/p>\n

Though it may be paradoxical, knowing your adversary is a blessing.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

These are the stories representing a cornerstone in your life. Some aren\u2019t so fortunate to know what foundational moments to point to in their life.<\/p>\n

It may be that there are no such traumatic stories in your life, which in and of itself in a different way may be traumatic. Sometimes the lack of suffering in life produces intense internal conflict, \u201cwhy am I so unhappy, I have everything I\u2019ve ever wanted,\u201d or \u201cthere is no reason for me to be sad, but I am sad.\u201d I often hear people asking questions about their own sufferings in comparison to those in worse situations. Usually though, comparison only leads to minimizing. The reality? If my hand and your finger are both severed in an accident, it doesn\u2019t make the pain of a severed finger go away by comparing it to my severed hand.<\/p>\n

If Psalm 73 is true, all of us experience some level of peace and orientation in life. This season at some point deteriorates and a period or season of disorientation sets in. This is followed by a period of reorientation or a new orientation. It\u2019s the equation for maturation and growth. We start off in one direction, get thrown off that path (by our own choosing, or someone else\u2019s), and then redirected onto a new path.<\/p>\n

Perhaps your path today is taking you to something you\u2019re incredibly hopeful about, like marriage. Let me be the first to congratulate you and cheer you on. Marriage is an exciting and wonderful adventure. It\u2019s a hopeful union. Be confident and courageous in your new journey together.<\/p>\n

Be on the lookout for emotionally numbing, apathetic responses towards your spouse and life, or unrealistic expectations of the other person.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

When adversity happens, take time to consider the source and get help working through that with your spouse. As Jesus said, \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is in the kingdom of Heaven.\u201d Your suffering or adversity is your ally: Will you allow it to be?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Authors note: This article was originally published in September 2012 at StartMarriageRight.com) I had someone tell me the other day, \u201cSamuel, I\u2019ve dealt with it. I\u2019m done and have moved on. There\u2019s no changing the fact that my husband just won\u2019t love and care for me the way I need him to. I don\u2019t feel […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":[],"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[1],"tags":[18,19,40,28,41],"class_list":["post-415","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life_process","tag-addiction","tag-process","tag-risk","tag-story","tag-the-self"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\nAdversity Matters — Five Minute Sherpa<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2012\/11\/adversity-matters\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Adversity Matters — Five Minute Sherpa\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"(Authors note: This article was originally published in September 2012 at StartMarriageRight.com) I had someone tell me the other day, \u201cSamuel, I\u2019ve dealt with it. 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