{"id":686,"date":"2019-11-22T05:36:08","date_gmt":"2019-11-22T10:36:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/?p=686"},"modified":"2019-11-22T10:26:38","modified_gmt":"2019-11-22T15:26:38","slug":"are-you-hopeless-in-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2019\/11\/are-you-hopeless-in-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Are you Hopeless in Marriage?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Most people who have not done significant spiritual or relational work do not know how to do conflict well. Invariably, we will unconsciously adapt our conflict styles to what we were exposed to in our childhood homes.\u00a0The saying \u201cthe apple doesn\u2019t fall too far from the tree\u201d is true here, how are we to know a different way of being without the help of someone else to show us another way or to another place? <strong>A hopeless marriage doesn&#8217;t have to mean the end of the relationship.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Marriage provides the divine context for taking another person to another place. It offers hope that I can live alongside someone who will help me to become a better person, and I can do the same for them. The reality is that once the newness wears off (which happens at different rates of time for different people), <strong>couples often lose sight of the purpose of marriage<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>I often hear, \u201cI just want to be happy and live in peace\u201d when asking people what they desire in their marriages. Generally this is in reaction to the growing disconnect and conflict that exists between husband and wife. However, when you don\u2019t do the necessary maintenance and work,\u00a0It decays\u00a0and\u00a0begins to break down. This is true of the material world\u00a0just as it is for relationships.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Cleaning up and fixing something that has been neglected for a long time takes more energy and effort than the time it would have taken to maintain.<\/strong> In relationships, if you do not spend the time proactively working and engaging the faulty issues in your marriage, when it comes time to \u201cfix it\u201d or \u201cbuy a new one\u201d, it\u2019s going to feel overwhelming.<\/p>\n<p>This overwhelming feeling coupled with the already everyday needs and demands of life make it even more difficult to find the courage, energy, and hope to dig out of the mess. If you\u2019re at this place of hopelessness in your marriage, seek out a counselor. If you\u2019re afraid you\u2019re on the road to hopelessness, here are some suggestions to\u00a0work on:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Do go on regular dates with your spouse.<\/li>\n<li>Do monthly budget meetings to review and plan financial concerns and needs<\/li>\n<li>Do yearly\/bi-yearly marriage enrichment activities (counseling, retreats, books, etc)<\/li>\n<li>Do not turn\u00a0on the \u2019screen\u2019 (tv, phone,\u00a0computer\/tablet) at least 2 nights per week<\/li>\n<li>Do not blame\u00a0your spouse for anything, ever. Take responsibility for your actions.<\/li>\n<li>Do not use the word divorce unless you are in the process of filing.<\/li>\n<li>Do not have an affair with work, alcohol, Facebook, video games, food, or the TV.<\/li>\n<li>Do practice non-sexual touch\u00a0without it leading to sex.<\/li>\n<li>Do not hide behind your kids activities to avoid conflict.<\/li>\n<li>Do not use your kids to fulfill your loneliness.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Regardless of how hopeless it might feel,<strong> no relationship is beyond repair.<\/strong> I have seen couples dealing with multiple layers of betrayal, lies, and brokenness work diligently on repairing their relationship.<\/p>\n<p>When you married your spouse, they became the right one, don\u2019t buy into the lie that there is someone better out there for you. If you\u2019re willing to do the hard work, hope can be restored.<\/p>\n<p>____________________________________<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Most people who have not done significant spiritual or relational work do not know how to do conflict well. Invariably, we will unconsciously adapt our conflict styles to what we were exposed to in our childhood homes.\u00a0The saying \u201cthe apple doesn\u2019t fall too far from the tree\u201d is true here, how are we to know [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":823,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":[],"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[13,12,1],"tags":[57,76,38,37,53,27,8,31,54,21],"class_list":["post-686","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-couples","category-life_process","tag-anxiety","tag-avoidance","tag-boundaries","tag-emotion","tag-fear","tag-marriage","tag-relationships","tag-sex","tag-truth","tag-wisdom"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Are you Hopeless in Marriage? &#8212; Five Minute Sherpa<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"No relationship is beyond repair. 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