<\/p>\n
\u201cI need you to listen to me with your eyes,\u201d Stephanie, my wife, says as we\u2019re discussing our upcoming weekend plans. Truth be told, I was in the middle of a project on my computer and didn\u2019t want to stop.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m listening, just keep talking,\u201d I reply. She continues talking and then asks me for input about making a decision about our kids sporting activity. I hesitate, trying to recall the data from the previous 30 seconds. The reality was this: I wasn\u2019t listening, I was just hearing her voice.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m a pretty typical male and have a really difficult time multi-tasking. This isn\u2019t an excuse, it\u2019s just a fact that I failed to be aware of in this moment. It\u2019s not that I didn\u2019t want to discuss our weekend plans, but I didn\u2019t want to do it right then and there. Explaining this to her would have been helpful, and could have saved us multiple offenses.<\/p>\n
Good listeners know and act on their limitations. Good listeners ask lots of questions.<\/strong> My 8 year-old daughter has a bit of flair for the dramatic and will often exaggerate a story (she\u2019s a fantastic story teller, by the way). Sometimes when she\u2019s recounting an offense, she will say something to the effect of \u201ceveryone hates me!\u201d What she\u2019s communicating is that she\u2019s extremely hurt. If I were to react solely to her statement about everyone hating her, I\u2019d likely miss the truth that she\u2019s hurting inside. By asking questions, I\u2019m able to hear what\u2019s happening behind the outburst and get the truth about her.<\/p>\n This is true for all relationships. If we respond without clarifying the content and context, we will often miss the heart of the matter. Good listening behooves us to ask questions like, \u201ctell me more.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>Knowing our limitations is the work of learning our own story and makeup of who we are.\u00a0By knowing ourselves, we can plan and sometimes prevent situations from occurring that will hurt, trigger, or harm someone we care about. In the above situation, just by speaking up and requesting 5 minutes to finish my project would have saved my wife and I the time and energy of an avoidable fight. My limitation was that I do not multi-task well. Instead of proactively asking for this, we spent the better part of a day recouping from a five minute problem.<\/p>\n
\nThe basis for all relationships is built on the foundation of curiosity. If we are not curious people, we will not get to know others. Asking questions is a way that we can make sure that we understand and hear what the other person is attempting to communicate.<\/p>\n