{"id":284,"date":"2012-06-14T10:30:25","date_gmt":"2012-06-14T16:30:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/?p=284"},"modified":"2012-06-12T21:42:24","modified_gmt":"2012-06-13T03:42:24","slug":"parenting-as-a-vehicle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2012\/06\/parenting-as-a-vehicle\/","title":{"rendered":"Parenting As A Vehicle"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><!--?xml version=\"1.0\" encoding=\"UTF-8\" standalone=\"no\"?--><a href=\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/launchpad_cover.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-289\" title=\"launchpad\" src=\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/launchpad_cover-232x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"232\" height=\"300\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Hordes of books dominate the shelves of bookstores, teaching you the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/gp\/product\/0802403476\/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=samuelrainey-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=0802403476\">love languages of kids<\/a>, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/gp\/product\/0983263302\/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=samuelrainey-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=0983263302\">brain rules for kids<\/a>, and <a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/gp\/product\/140007052X\/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=samuelrainey-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=140007052X\">how kids raise parents<\/a>. There are classes, techniques, and even some really stringent cult-like ideas that all hope to help parents master the art of parenting.<\/p>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\">I enjoy referring to parenting in football defensive references. If a family has two kids, it&#8217;s &#8220;man coverage,&#8221; with 3 kids they are in zone coverage, and with four or more, the all important (and most anxiety producing for a football fan) Prevent defense. It&#8217;s clever, I know.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\">The truth is, no metaphor, book, technique, or principal can help to prepare someone to be a parent. And yet, we all need help to shepherd us along the way.<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\">It&#8217;s really hard work, and mostly exhausting to deal with free-willed little people who refuse to be your robot.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\">Go to bed. <\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\">Unload your dishes. <\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\">Be nice to your sister. <\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\">Pick up your clothes. <\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\">Turn off the lights.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n<div>(The prevailing message: don&#8217;t be a kid)<\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\">If you&#8217;re a parent, you get it. Most of the time parents are directing, pointing, teaching, yelling, and ending the day praying the kids turn out ok. It&#8217;s the ultimate journey of faith, trust, and powerlessness.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\">Parenting is the vehicle that gets our kids onto or nearby the launching pad for their lives. Each kid has their own unique launching pad. Sometimes parents don&#8217;t see that different kids have different needs, which produce different lifestyles, goals, and vision for their lives. If we take all our kids to the same destination, the same launching pad, only one is going to pleased.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\">This vehicle is the container that provides safe travel while the journey is still in the confines of childhood. Slowly, methodically, and gradually the kids will begin to branch out and become curious about their world. More often than not, a kids curiosity will trigger a parents fear of losing control. This fear, left undressed or unexplored, leads straight to the command center of the kids&#8217; launching pad.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\">As a fearful parent, I want to be in the command center. I want to be in the control room that has the correct flight plan, path, and coordinates for my kids rocket. I want to know what is going to happen, where they are going, and that they will be ok. In reality, I just want to be ok. My kids are an extension of me (they&#8217;re still in the early journey of curiosity), and if they hurt, so do I.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\">It&#8217;s easy for parents to be in the mindset of putting the kids in an auto-piloted vehicle, and retire to the control room where they can push the buttons, speak commands, and remain aloof from the reality of the kids who are in the vehicle. This is the safest form of parenting, but it&#8217;s not really parenting. It&#8217;s more like a warden, a boss, or an autocrat.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\">James Masterson, therapist and author, says that the role of the therapist is to be the guardian of the true, real self. Not surprisingly, this is a lot like the role of a parent. Our role is to guard our kids from buying into the lie that posturing, faking it, or performing is what works. It&#8217;s our job to show our kids that money doesn&#8217;t buy happiness, nor does money solve the real challenges of life.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\">The ultimate challenge of parenting is to cultivate a relationship, the vehicle, that allows for safe return from misplaced curiosity, foolish choices, or damaging actions.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Hordes of books dominate the shelves of bookstores, teaching you the love languages of kids, brain rules for kids, and how kids raise parents. There are classes, techniques, and even some really stringent cult-like ideas that all hope to help parents master the art of parenting. I enjoy referring to parenting in football defensive references. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":[],"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[11],"tags":[36,17,24,22,19,8],"class_list":["post-284","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting","tag-authenticity","tag-engage","tag-journey","tag-kids","tag-process","tag-relationships"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Parenting As A Vehicle &#8212; Five Minute Sherpa<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2012\/06\/parenting-as-a-vehicle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Parenting As A Vehicle &#8212; Five Minute Sherpa\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Hordes of books dominate the shelves of bookstores, teaching you the love languages of kids, brain rules for kids, and how kids raise parents. 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