{"id":1288,"date":"2020-01-20T23:59:00","date_gmt":"2020-01-21T04:59:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/?p=1288"},"modified":"2020-01-20T19:30:00","modified_gmt":"2020-01-21T00:30:00","slug":"day-9-grace","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2020\/01\/day-9-grace\/","title":{"rendered":"Day 9: Grace"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

This post is a part of The 15-Day Relationship Challenge. If you\u2019re just now tuning in,\u00a0click here<\/a>\u00a0for the whole series.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

MORNING<\/strong>
Grace. Sweat the small stuff.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Good morning. Welcome to Day 9. Today is all about grace.

Several years ago, my wife and I were sitting around the room full of other couples. At the center of the room was the future bride and groom to be. Each couple would take turn answering this question: \u201cWhat\u2019s one piece of advice you wished someone would have told you about marriage?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As the couples gave their answers, it covered the usually suspects: Letting things go; have lots of sex; don’t fight about money; and be quick to forgive. All in all, it was well meaning advice. The two couples that shared right before us essentially said the same thing, \u201cdon\u2019t sweat the small stuff!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When it was our turn to answer, my wife and I both said in unison, \u201cshow grace by sweating the small stuff!\u201d We didn\u2019t answer this as a rebuttal to the couples before us, but because of the importance of offering grace in relationship.\u00a0We shared this advice because sweating the small stuff will help you heal the hurt, connect intimately, and get familiar with exchanging grace.\u00a0Practice grace. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Showing grace implies forgiveness, acceptance, and a belief that your spouse is a better man\/woman than what the offending action shows. It\u2019s easy to get offended or hurt and turn away from them as protection. It\u2019s hard to stay engaged and put hurt feelings aside and believe the best. Next time this happens in your relationship, offer grace by placing your hand on their shoulder or chest near their heart and say, \u201cI don\u2019t believe that you intended to hurt me, and that you do love and care for me.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we pay attention to the little things that go awry in our relationship, we are exercising our grace muscles. When the big issues hit us, we\u2019ve got a bunch of practice together that we readily give grace. If we don’t sweat the small stuff, two things will happen. \u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, we will become resentment machines. We\u2019ll get hurt, brush it aside, and move on. But we\u2019re really not brushing it aside, we\u2019re either stuffing it or we are numbing out to the hurt. Neither of those are good options for relationships. Over time the stuffing makes us fat on resentment, and the numbing out makes us malnourished with indifference.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As if resentments weren\u2019t a big enough issue, the second problem with letting things slide is that we won\u2019t learn about each other. Talking about 100 little things is going to give you both so much insight into how you relate to the world.\u00a0With this insight comes a ton of future opportunities to love and care for your spouse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Grace allows us to be in conflict, quickly find resolution for the conflict, and move into intimacy instead of isolation.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reflection Questions<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

  • What did I think about my spouse in reading today\u2019s material? Was it kind? Was it thoughtful? Was it loving?<\/li>
  • Did I have feelings, thoughts, questions, or stories that came to mind?<\/li>
  • What is something I can do for them today?<\/li>
  • How can I welcome and receive what they have done for me today?<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n


    Assignment<\/strong>
    What \u201csmall things\u201d have come up recently that you would like to practice giving grace to your spouse for?\u00a0
    What is one way that you can make yourself available to regularly offer grace to your spouse?\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    EVENING<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    Hello! Welcome back. Great to see you again. How was your day?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Grace is a beautiful act of kindness, but sometimes we take advantage of it. Be careful to not confuse grace and enabling behaviors. We can also think we\u2019re giving grace when we\u2019re actually enabling someone else\u2019s disruptive behavior. A good rule of thumb for this grace and enabling has to do with the difference of hurt and harm. Hurt is something that happens in the regular coming and going of relationships. Harm is something that happens with intentionality as pay back, punishment, or power and control.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Take 10-15 minutes tonight with your spouse to talk through your day. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    • What were the highs and lows?<\/li>
    • Where were you surprised?\u00a0<\/li>
    • Was there anything different about your day because of the assignment(s)?<\/li>
    • From this mornings reading, what stood out to you?\u00a0<\/li>
    • If you\u2019re willing, share your answers to the assignment.\u00a0<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n

      Bonus: Assignment Connection<\/strong>
      Practice sweating the small stuff by bringing something up that was a “small event,” and be quick to forgive, and quick to resolve. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      This post is a part of The 15-Day Relationship Challenge. If you\u2019re just now tuning in,\u00a0click here\u00a0for the whole series. MORNINGGrace. Sweat the small stuff. Good morning. Welcome to Day 9. Today is all about grace. Several years ago, my wife and I were sitting around the room full of other couples. At the center […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1238,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":[],"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[296],"tags":[297,281,86,316],"class_list":["post-1288","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-15-day-challenge","tag-15-days","tag-forgiveness","tag-grace","tag-sweat-the-small-stuff"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\nDay 9: Grace — Five Minute Sherpa<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2020\/01\/day-9-grace\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Day 9: Grace — Five Minute Sherpa\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"This post is a part of The 15-Day Relationship Challenge. If you\u2019re just now tuning in,\u00a0click here\u00a0for the whole series. MORNINGGrace. Sweat the small stuff. Good morning. Welcome to Day 9. Today is all about grace. Several years ago, my wife and I were sitting around the room full of other couples. At the center […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2020\/01\/day-9-grace\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Five Minute Sherpa\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"http:\/\/facebook.com\/SamuelRaineyCounseling\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-01-21T04:59:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2020-01-21T00:30:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/Screen-Shot-2020-01-10-at-2.25.57-PM.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1724\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1478\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@samuelrainey\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@samuelrainey\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2020\/01\/day-9-grace\/\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2020\/01\/day-9-grace\/\",\"name\":\"Day 9: Grace — Five Minute Sherpa\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2020-01-21T04:59:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2020-01-21T00:30:00+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/ead8e9e6e7560f7d091a740226792870\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2020\/01\/day-9-grace\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2020\/01\/day-9-grace\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2020\/01\/day-9-grace\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Day 9: Grace\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"Five Minute Sherpa\",\"description\":\"an espresso shot of thoughtful guidance\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/ead8e9e6e7560f7d091a740226792870\",\"name\":\"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/81690686ecf4b830ec19aebb73205a49ac12c0dd3a27d0676af481474d8036b1?s=96&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/81690686ecf4b830ec19aebb73205a49ac12c0dd3a27d0676af481474d8036b1?s=96&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC\"}}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Day 9: Grace — Five Minute Sherpa","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2020\/01\/day-9-grace\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Day 9: Grace — Five Minute Sherpa","og_description":"This post is a part of The 15-Day Relationship Challenge. If you\u2019re just now tuning in,\u00a0click here\u00a0for the whole series. MORNINGGrace. Sweat the small stuff. Good morning. Welcome to Day 9. Today is all about grace. Several years ago, my wife and I were sitting around the room full of other couples. At the center […]","og_url":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2020\/01\/day-9-grace\/","og_site_name":"Five Minute Sherpa","article_publisher":"http:\/\/facebook.com\/SamuelRaineyCounseling\/","article_published_time":"2020-01-21T04:59:00+00:00","article_modified_time":"2020-01-21T00:30:00+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1724,"height":1478,"url":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/Screen-Shot-2020-01-10-at-2.25.57-PM.png","type":"image\/png"}],"author":"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@samuelrainey","twitter_site":"@samuelrainey","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2020\/01\/day-9-grace\/","url":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2020\/01\/day-9-grace\/","name":"Day 9: Grace — Five Minute Sherpa","isPartOf":{"@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#website"},"datePublished":"2020-01-21T04:59:00+00:00","dateModified":"2020-01-21T00:30:00+00:00","author":{"@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/ead8e9e6e7560f7d091a740226792870"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2020\/01\/day-9-grace\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2020\/01\/day-9-grace\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2020\/01\/day-9-grace\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Day 9: Grace"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#website","url":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/","name":"Five Minute Sherpa","description":"an espresso shot of thoughtful guidance","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/ead8e9e6e7560f7d091a740226792870","name":"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/81690686ecf4b830ec19aebb73205a49ac12c0dd3a27d0676af481474d8036b1?s=96&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/81690686ecf4b830ec19aebb73205a49ac12c0dd3a27d0676af481474d8036b1?s=96&r=g","caption":"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC"}}]}},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/Screen-Shot-2020-01-10-at-2.25.57-PM.png","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2SBo8-kM","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1288","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1288"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1288\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1290,"href":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1288\/revisions\/1290"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1238"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1288"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1288"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1288"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}