{"id":1133,"date":"2019-12-06T15:11:48","date_gmt":"2019-12-06T20:11:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/?p=1133"},"modified":"2019-12-06T15:11:58","modified_gmt":"2019-12-06T20:11:58","slug":"relationship-is-conflict","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2019\/12\/relationship-is-conflict\/","title":{"rendered":"Relationship is Conflict"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>If you want to be in relationships, you have to learn how to do conflict. One of my mentors, <a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" aria-label=\"Dan Allender (opens in a new tab)\" href=\"http:\/\/theallendercenter.org\" target=\"_blank\">Dan Allender<\/a>, says it well: &#8220;All good communication leads to conflict.\u201d Most of us believe that good communication will lead to consensus, not conflict.<br><br>The word \u201c<a href=\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2019\/12\/no-trouble-at-all\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" aria-label=\"communicate (opens in a new tab)\">communicate<\/a>\u201d comes from the Latin word\u00a0<em>communicatus.\u00a0<\/em>This word has two parts:\u00a0<em>Communi<\/em>\u00a0(to inform, impart, or share.\u201d and\u00a0<em>Catus<\/em>\u00a0(which means \u201ccare&#8221;). The heart of the word (and act) communication is to give care.\u00a0<br><br>Some experts estimate that over 70% of communication is non-verbal. This means that it&#8217;s nearly impossible to not communicate. We may not be communicating well, but we&#8217;re always communicating. Even if we\u2019ve left the presence of a relationship, we are still communicating something in our leaving.<br><br>Conflict is the result of good \u201ctransmitting\u201d (communication) of differing messages. The word\u00a0\u201cconflict\u201d comes from the Latin word\u00a0<em>confligere<\/em>\u00a0which means \u201cto strike together.\u201d Notice this doesn&#8217;t say &#8220;to strike against each other.&#8221; The reason a lot of people, myself included, are afraid of conflict is because it usually feels like a &#8220;strike against&#8221; not a &#8220;strike together.&#8221; Unfortunately, avoiding conflict is only going to make it stronger the next time we face it. <br><br>Good communication that leads to conflict and then reconciliation is the foundation of a strong relationships. Communication that leads to unresolved conflict after unresolved conflict is what weakens relationships. This idea applies to all relationships: friends, spouse, family, work, professional, doctor, etc.\u00a0<br><br>If you want better relationships, you have to become better at striking together, not against. Start with how you communicate. Instead of communicating to receive something, try communicating to give something of care to someone you love. That might be the conflict that turns things around.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>___________________________________<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you want to be in relationships, you have to learn how to do conflict. One of my mentors, Dan Allender, says it well: &#8220;All good communication leads to conflict.\u201d Most of us believe that good communication will lead to consensus, not conflict. The word \u201ccommunicate\u201d comes from the Latin word\u00a0communicatus.\u00a0This word has two parts:\u00a0Communi\u00a0(to [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":823,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":[],"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[13],"tags":[125,93,26,136,222,92,247,8],"class_list":["post-1133","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","tag-care","tag-communication","tag-conflict","tag-fight","tag-fighting","tag-fights","tag-latin","tag-relationships"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Relationship is Conflict &#8212; Five Minute Sherpa<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Relationships involve conflict. If you want better relationships, you have to become better at striking together, not against.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2019\/12\/relationship-is-conflict\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Relationship is Conflict &#8212; Five Minute Sherpa\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Relationships involve conflict. If you want better relationships, you have to become better at striking together, not against.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2019\/12\/relationship-is-conflict\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Five Minute Sherpa\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"http:\/\/facebook.com\/SamuelRaineyCounseling\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-12-06T20:11:48+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2019-12-06T20:11:58+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/0560E5A9-BCCF-433E-BDC2-7B74502A198D-e1533871510222.jpeg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"536\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@samuelrainey\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@samuelrainey\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"1 minute\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2019\/12\/relationship-is-conflict\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2019\/12\/relationship-is-conflict\/\",\"name\":\"Relationship is Conflict &#8212; Five Minute Sherpa\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2019-12-06T20:11:48+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2019-12-06T20:11:58+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/ead8e9e6e7560f7d091a740226792870\"},\"description\":\"Relationships involve conflict. If you want better relationships, you have to become better at striking together, not against.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2019\/12\/relationship-is-conflict\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2019\/12\/relationship-is-conflict\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2019\/12\/relationship-is-conflict\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Relationship is Conflict\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"Five Minute Sherpa\",\"description\":\"an espresso shot of thoughtful guidance\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/ead8e9e6e7560f7d091a740226792870\",\"name\":\"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/81690686ecf4b830ec19aebb73205a49ac12c0dd3a27d0676af481474d8036b1?s=96&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/81690686ecf4b830ec19aebb73205a49ac12c0dd3a27d0676af481474d8036b1?s=96&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC\"}}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Relationship is Conflict &#8212; Five Minute Sherpa","description":"Relationships involve conflict. If you want better relationships, you have to become better at striking together, not against.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2019\/12\/relationship-is-conflict\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Relationship is Conflict &#8212; Five Minute Sherpa","og_description":"Relationships involve conflict. If you want better relationships, you have to become better at striking together, not against.","og_url":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2019\/12\/relationship-is-conflict\/","og_site_name":"Five Minute Sherpa","article_publisher":"http:\/\/facebook.com\/SamuelRaineyCounseling\/","article_published_time":"2019-12-06T20:11:48+00:00","article_modified_time":"2019-12-06T20:11:58+00:00","og_image":[{"width":536,"height":200,"url":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/0560E5A9-BCCF-433E-BDC2-7B74502A198D-e1533871510222.jpeg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@samuelrainey","twitter_site":"@samuelrainey","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC","Est. reading time":"1 minute"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2019\/12\/relationship-is-conflict\/","url":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2019\/12\/relationship-is-conflict\/","name":"Relationship is Conflict &#8212; Five Minute Sherpa","isPartOf":{"@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#website"},"datePublished":"2019-12-06T20:11:48+00:00","dateModified":"2019-12-06T20:11:58+00:00","author":{"@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/ead8e9e6e7560f7d091a740226792870"},"description":"Relationships involve conflict. If you want better relationships, you have to become better at striking together, not against.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2019\/12\/relationship-is-conflict\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2019\/12\/relationship-is-conflict\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/2019\/12\/relationship-is-conflict\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Relationship is Conflict"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#website","url":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/","name":"Five Minute Sherpa","description":"an espresso shot of thoughtful guidance","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/ead8e9e6e7560f7d091a740226792870","name":"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/81690686ecf4b830ec19aebb73205a49ac12c0dd3a27d0676af481474d8036b1?s=96&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/81690686ecf4b830ec19aebb73205a49ac12c0dd3a27d0676af481474d8036b1?s=96&r=g","caption":"Samuel Rainey, M.A., LPC"}}]}},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/0560E5A9-BCCF-433E-BDC2-7B74502A198D-e1533871510222.jpeg","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2SBo8-ih","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1133","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1133"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1133\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1134,"href":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1133\/revisions\/1134"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/823"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1133"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1133"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/samuelrainey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1133"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}