an espresso shot of thoughtful guidance
Evil is not in itself a thing or an entity. It’s the absence of an entity. Kind of like there is no such thing as cold — cold is the absence of heat. Evil is the absence of good. It will consume the good in those that let it. Evil Read More
Relationships are a lot like owning a house. Unlike calling our landlord in a rental, when something goes wrong with the plumbing, HVAC, or roof, owning a home means that it’s my responsibility to address the problem. I would say that the majority of us naturally respond to our relationships Read More
Most relationships I encounter in my office are suffering from a lack of trust. I think everyone is asking the question, “can I trust you to do right by me?” By the time most have arrived in counseling, the answer to that question is probably a “I’m not sure” or Read More
Step 12: Having a relational awakening, we commit to helping others in completing these steps, and to continue practicing recovery in our lives together. Prior to attending graduate school, my wife and I got started in the counseling world by volunteering at our church and a new marriage ministry. Read More
Step 11: Through prayer and reflection together, we seek to improve our relationship with God and each other by asking for help, seeking knowledge of His will for us, and exercising the power to carry this out. “My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do Read More
Step 10: With hope, we continue with an ongoing relational inventory and commit make things right when we are wrong or have hurt our spouse In the last step, you wrote a letter of responsibility that gave specific details about how your actions hurt your spouse. Step 9 and the Read More
Step 9: Taking responsibility, we make direct amends to those we have hurt, namely our spouse and ourselves, except when these amends would cause undue harm on others. A good friend of mine suggested that he thinks the first thousand years of heaven will be apologies. Maybe we can Read More
Several years ago there was a similar theme showing up in my office with the couples I was meeting with: The husbands porn use. Upon reflection, I spent some time writing what I thought the wives needed to know about their husbands porn use. I’ve long thought about writing a Read More
When men seek help in addressing the issues with their porn use, many times their wives do not seek their own help. While there are a myriad of questions that come up regarding porn use, I often hear wives ask questions like: “Do we need to have more sex?”, “Why am Read More
Step 8: Made a list of how we have hurt or harmed our spouse, and our marriage. Responsibility is the lynchpin between forgiveness and reconciliation. We don’t need someone else to participate with us in order to forgive. That is something we can do on our own. But we Read More
Step 7: Humbly ask God to remove our flaws and shortcomings. I’ve long been curious with the interactions in the Bible between Jesus and people who want/need to be healed. But there is one particular story that has always fascinated me. It took place between Jesus and the man Read More
(If you’re just now tuning in for this series, click here to start at the beginning: Marriage Recovery – The 12 Steps) Step 6: We are trusting and ready to have God forgive and remove from us these flaws, individually and collectively. One of my favorite art exhibits that I Read More
